Post Epic Shxt

Advice From Old People

From a collection of advice from old people….

• People in power only hold that power because you allow them to. If they abuse that power, you can take it away from them. This applies to relationships, employers, landlords, councils and the Government.
• When you think “I’ll just have one more drink” - don’t have it.
• If there is something in your life you love doing - try to find a job where they will pay you to do it.
• “It’s easier to get a girlfriend when you already have a girlfriend”
• “Don’t be surprised when people are not pleased for your success and are happy when you fail”
• “Remember to fuck around a lot, when I was growing up we weren’t allowed to” (Granny – aged 89). She’s also advised me never to do cocaine, and also that marijuana brownies are great.
• My great uncle also once told me to never try shitting in a wicker waste paper bin.
• “Never look at your mom when she’s eating a banana.”
• “Son, now you are married, you must learn this important lesson on dealing with a Wife.. if you are going out for a night on the ale, tell her you are coming home an hour or two later than you actually intend to.. that way, when you arrive home ‘early’ she’ll be delighted that you’ve cut short your night out to be with her”
• “Never chase after a bus or a girl - another one’ll come along soon enough!”
• No one wins in a fight. If you hit him 20 times and he hits you once it still fucking hurts.
• Always kick a man when he is down because you probably won’t have the balls to hit him if he gets back up.
• Genuine good advice from my Grand dad - ‘Don’t listen to your mother, she never has known what she’s talking about’
• Never trust a man whose tie is lighter than his shirt.
• My nan tells me spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down… I’m a fucking diabetic.
• “Life is like riding a bike. If you look down or look back, you’ll fall off. The only way to get where you want to go is to look forward.”
• The best advice I ever received was written on the side of a box of matches, it said “Keep dry and away from children”
• Never trust a man with a beard, he’s hiding something.
• “If you take longer strides when you’re walking, your shoes will last longer”.
• Never sleep with a woman who’s problems are worse than your own.
• “Never skimp on spending money on a good pair of shoes and a decent bed. If you’re not in one, you’re in the other”.
• “Never get separated from your lunch”
• “life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you got the better it tastes”
• “always leave a party while you’re still having fun, you’re a young lad now but later you’ll understand, never forget”
• Women are like cowpats, the older they are, the easier they are to pick up…
• “He who is scared and runs away, lives to run another day!”
• “Never trust a dog with a curly tail”
• Always take a dump when you’re at work, you’re getting paid for it
• Don’t eat gravy and ice-cream at the same time.

1. A sharp tongue can cut my own throat.
2. If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn’t oversleep.
3. Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.
4. The best vitamin for making friends….. B1.
5. The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.
6. The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.
7. One thing I can give and still keep…is my word.
8. I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.
9. If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished.
10. One thing I can’t recycle is wasted time.
11. Ideas won’t work unless ‘ I ‘ do.
12. My mind is like a parachute…it functions only when open.
13. The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
14. The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what I might have been

1. Realize your own worth. Avoid comparing yourself with others. Each of us is special, because we are different one from the other.
2. Set your own goals based on what is important to you, not what others think is important. Only you know what is best for you.
3. Treasure the things that are closest to your heart. Cherish them as you would your life, without them life is meaningless.
4. Live your life one day at a time, in the present, each day to its fullest. Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.
5. Be relentless when you have something to offer; never give up. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
6. Embrace risk; don’t be afraid. We learn how to be brave by taking chances.
7. Love deeply, freely, and with all your heart. The quickest way to receive love is to give love; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
8. Live your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.
9. Slow down. Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured, each and every step of the way.
10. Surrender to your destiny; have faith that it will unfold as it should. Choose to be happy, at peace and one with the universe.

Leadership Quotes

• “Real leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary determination.”
• “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain
• “If you are thinking one year ahead, sow seed… If you are thinking ten years ahead, plant a tree… If you are thinking one hundred years ahead, educate the people.” Chinese proverb
• “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm” Ralph Waldo Emerson
• “”You can’t stuff a great life into a small dream.” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• “Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.” Booker T. Washington
• “The road to success is filled with many tempting parking places.”
• “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” Anne Frank
• “Everyone can be great because everyone can serve…you only need a heart full of grace… a soul generated by love.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
• “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.”

I made a lot of mistakes before I got to you (each one honest and none that I regret). The same way a tree bends in the wind and twists and turns, before it can touch the sky.